Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for that mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Justin’s House danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
A drunken Chav, lay down, covered in beer.
He spotted me, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he was going to be sick,
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he curesed, and shouted, and called me some name!
“Now *&^^&! now, *$%^^! now, &*^^& and you git!
On, ^%^^&! On, *&(&! on, on %^&^% did spit!
On the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Vomit as fast as a commet did spawll!”
He was dressed all in burbury, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with fag ends and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had half inched on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.
I chased him away with spritly and a scare!
With all of my might, nothing to spare!
Beth at the door, wondering what I was doing,
I shouted back, it’s ok its not worth chewing.
The girls had awoken with all of the racket
So in went Pete with a Pepper Pig Jacket.
Tilly did cry, and Ginny did too
When all of a sudden, he smelled poo.
Tilly looked up, smilled and grinned,
Shouted Tada, tada and did it again…
Pete just laughed and tucked her back in,
Then Ginny did shout, put this in the bin.
Hillary got up and went to the sofa,
She sat sipping wine while hunting for that goffer… (I mean mouse….)
While looking at the tree and thinking aloud,
Out poped the mouse all merry and proud.
We all went to bed after an hour,
I left the mouse to hideout and cower,
As long as it hides for all of the day,
Not eating the dinner which is coming our way.
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”